Thursday, March 08, 2012

Quest

It's been a very long while... So many things have changed, so many notable events happened, so many mothers birthed, some loved ones departed. Seriously, I never thought of writing again, until now. I forgot all about it, lost interest, to say the least. I didn't give myself time and chance to blog and scribble my thoughts and feelings. Perhaps I was so preoccupied, busy with tiny bits and pieces of life. I know I have all the time in the world to do it, 1 year and 2 months to be exact but I actually never thought about it. I probably fell in this bottomless pit of laziness and idleness, so deep that up to this very moment I am still free falling in it.

Some must be wondering how come I turned my back on one of the things I fondly do. I think of myself as Mr. Gump who after running for years suddenly just quit and went home. I know writing expresses myself, it helps me keep my sanity most of the time. I believe it is my forte, my strength. Writing is one of my joys in life. It is only thru this outlet that I can vent out, think up and communicate better. But why the hell did I cease to do it? A million dollar query which I hope I may find the answer too.

I hope this will be a start of a series of blog posts. I hope that in the days and weeks to come there will be more sentences, paragraphs and chapters to be written. I sure hope I can continue this and write more.

I miss writing!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Quote

"...no matter how good they are, some memories need to be forgotten."

Saturday, November 13, 2010

"We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it."

John Lennon

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Elsewhere

He wakes to the sound of his mobile phone, relentlessly sounding an alarm as if telling "firies" to swing into action. He was about to enter another cycle of sleep when he was pestered by the annoying sound.

"Oh no! Not now." He whispered to himself. It was already quarter past five and he needs to get ready for another day at work. With his eyes half opened, his thoughts still adrift and his brain tiptoeing to the borderline of sleep and actuality, he reached for his phone, slid the screen lock to silence the alarm and exclaimed, "Dammit I still wanna sleep, shut the hell up!"

The night before that, he remembered waiting for somebody to show up in their usual rendezvous. He hang around for hours, puffing his cigar and sipping whiskey from his aluminum container. The night became deep, the air became colder, his tobacco reserve run out and his bottle dried up, he opted to head for home and called it a night. While walking, he wondered where the holy ghost could she be. It was so unusual for her to miss their regular night out. No calls, no nothing. Reaching his home, he went straight to bed and fell to a deep slumber but not after spending time pondering. His brain so hotly wired up, heaps of thoughts crisscrossed his mind. Like a bomb, it exploded, making his eyes move rapidly and then deep sleep ensued.

Morning came and still no sign of the lass. His phone smoked from repeated attempts to call her. Minutes turned to hours then finally a message from an uncanny source, a social networking application. She was stuck somewhere and she couldn't get out. He breathed a sigh of relief for earlier he thought aliens came, abducted her and made experiments on her.

The alarm went off again! He was startled while he simultaneously looked at his watch. "Dang, it's 5 past 6! He was dreaming the entire time!

Now he is late for work!

Friday, September 24, 2010

I Conquered No Mountain

Coming home from a very long day is indeed a treat in itself. Removing my work clothes and shoes and raising my feet on the couch felt so good like winning stakes in the lottery. Whew! I think I really deserve this break to recharge. Earlier, I had another dragging and protracted day. It emptied my petrol tank, so to speak, draining almost all the energy in me.

After feeding my Mum and changing her nappies, I opted to unwind and have a rest on my dad's rocking chair. I thought the night was still young for me to call it a day so I booted my old and trusty notebook to check my mails and messages. I also reckoned I should just kill time while waiting for daybreak in LA so I can wake my wife to be and have a chat. I browsed my facebook account and had a look at some of my friends' posts and threads. By accident, I chanced upon the account of a man not personally known to me but very familiar to the person significant to me. I don't know how it appeared on the side of my own facebook profile. I know, I should have not clicked on that link and opened his page. I know, I should have not snooped around and stalked on his account. Honestly, I really do not do this in real life. I saw many pictures and read information about the old chap. I learned how successful his professional career is, how well travelled he is, how happy his family is, how athletic he can be, how he enjoyed the riches and wealth that life can give... I felt sad. I felt so sorry for myself.

I'm thinking, could life really be so unfair? Or is it really just my fault that I grew old to be like this? Am I so passive, so unassertive, so lame, so docile, so worthless? Why can't I be like that man raising his bike after conquering a mountain peak? Why haven't I conquered any mountain up to this point in time? I guess the answers to aIl of my queries will rely on myself and how I could turn around this miserable life of mine. I know there is still hope, no matter how little it may be. I should act fast and start now while I still have time.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Requiem For Pete Hornedo, 1934-2010

It was on the 29th of June in the year 1934, our beloved father was born in a tiny barangay called Savidug in Sabtang, Batanes in the Philippines. He was named Pedro in honour of Saints Peter and Paul who were also having their feastday that day. He was the eldest among two boys, son of the late Remijia Hornedo.

Pete, as friends and family fondly call him, grew up impoverished, walking 5 kilometres to and from school everyday, carrying his books and his daily meal of boiled sweet potatoes prepared by his mother. He finished primary and secondary school, accelerated. He was too bright that his year 2 teacher promoted him to year 4 straightaway. Like many of the people from the provinces, he went to Manila after finishing high school to look for greener pastures. He attended college at the University of the East, in Manila where he took up B.S. Commerce. While studying, he worked as a kitchen help in Singian Hospital to finance his studies and to help his mother and brother whom he left in Batanes. Pete was always very eager to learn and because of this, he later became one of the hospital's chefs preparing food for all the patients, doctors and nurses. Indeed, he was a very good cook!

Whilst working in Singian Hospital, he met our mother, the former Leticia Mendoza, who was working there as well. They fell in love and the rest was history. Their marriage of more than 45 years were blessed with 5 children, Heidi, Abel Boy, Eric and Abigail. Pete was a very generous man, he was short of a "philanthropist" as family, friends and even strangers would almost always ask for help from him, financial or otherwise and they won't go out of our house empty handed. To his friends he was a very kind person and was always ready to help. He always had a solution to every problem and had his ways of making things simple. He never asked anybody for help but he was a very unselfish man, and he never wanted to be acknowledged for anything he did. When he helped he simply helped.

Pete was one of those hard working fathers. He was a very loving person, he took care and provided well for his family. He was very strict as a father but that’s only because he cared for us a lot. He was a disciplinarian but never laid a hand on any of us, ever. His words were the law in our house, a simple shoosh from him will pacify each and everyone of us. I remember an instance when he was calling us to the table for dinner, nobody paid attention to him as we were all watching our favourite cartoon show on TV, then suddenly the electricity went off. We all thought there was a brownout, then later on we learned that it was him who turned the main circuit breaker off to cut the power, for us to stop watching TV and have dinner. We used to dread him especially when he was angry, little did we know that he was already teaching us one of the most valuable lessons in life, standing up for what you believe in.

As I grew older, I also discovered that he was a very compassionate and kind person. I learned that the most important thing that he had was us, his family. Though he may never have said it out loud I know that he was really proud of what we have become. My sister Heidi, a CPA and had masters degree in business administration. My sister Abel finished AB Economics and had masters degree in Computer Programming as well. I became a Doctor of Medicine. My brother Eric, finished Mechanical Engineering and our youngest, Abigail became a Physical Therapist then later on finished Nursing here in Australia. He always imparted to us the value of education. He told us a hundred times to study hard and do good with our studies as it was the only wealth that he can leave us. We are who we are now because we had a father like him. As most of you may know my father never showed his feelings. He was very quiet and timid but with the help of a few drinks, I'm sure most of you saw the happier side of him. When we were quite young, I remember he always brought something for us when he came home from work, from a box of Curly Tops to a packet of Juicy Fruit gums.

He showed strength until the end, his last 2 months at the hospital was indeed a very difficult time for him and us. He did not leave us until we are all ready for his departure. I was very grateful to him he gave us time to prepare for his demise. Let’s just remember everything that my father shared with us. And let’s be happy that he has finally gone home to our Creator.

Godspeed Tatay, we will definitely miss you a lot. Thank you and We love you!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Food For Thought

“It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride.”

"Pride the first peer and president of hell."

"In general, pride is at the bottom of all great mistakes."

"Pride will spit in pride's face."

"Pride comes before a fall"

"Pride is pleasure arising from a man's thinking too highly of himself."

"Pride and conceit were the original sins of man."

"Women love the lie that saves their pride, but never an unflattering truth."

"Pride, envy, avarice - these are the sparks have set on fire the hearts of all men."

"There is this paradox in pride -- it makes some men ridiculous, but prevents others from becoming so."


"Pride is the master sin of the devil, and the devil is the father of lies."

"Humility is the ability to give up your pride and still retain your dignity."

"Temper gets you into trouble. Pride keeps you there."

"Pride is the mask we make of our faults."

Saturday, July 03, 2010

Baloney!

I've been trying to control my fingers not to blog and whinge about what is happening to my father and the the way he is being managed by a "team" of doctors in the hospital. I know from day 1 that I do not have any right to question his doctors' management as a doctor, firstly because I am not a recognised medical practitioner here in Australia and secondly I am not in any way connected with the hospital or any hospital here in Sydney for that matter. But I reckon I have all the bloody right to question his doctors as a son who just happened to finish med school, residency training and who worked as a consultant before. I know I travelled oceans and hundreds of kilometres away from home but that doesn't mean I left my medical knowledge in Manila.

Last night, my father had an episode of severe difficulty of breathing and cyanosis of his lips. He was struggling to breathe and was gasping for air. They summoned a "PACE" call and medical registrars arrived to assess him. ABG's was done and chest x-ray was ordered as well. The registrar on duty was thinking of 3 things... a possible pulmonary embolism, lung congestion or a possible chest infection. Luckily he was started on antibiotics, again and was given diuretics to address the congestion. They can't give blood thinners fearing he might bleed. Good on them, at least they did something.

What's making me revolt like this is that his "team" of doctors who from the very start do not have any plans for him except to "palliate" him like a terminally ill cancer patient, do their rounds everyday and assure my sister that "he's OK" , "he's OK." How can a 76 year old patient, breathing in the upper 20's per minute, who has intercostal, subcostal, supraclavicular indrawings, fine crackles all over his lungs, occasional wheezes, be OK? Even a wardsman can eyeball that a patient breathing like that is NOT OK and mind you my father has been like that for three days before anything was done.

If this is the kind of medical practise here, I say it's crap! Baloney! I am not sour graping because I am not a doctor here. I am just venting out my frustrations as a son of a medically mismanaged father. My prayer is just for him to survive all of this and prove to a "team" of doctors that they should not falter easily, consider every aspect and treat the patient as a whole and not treat and manage laboratory results.

Enough of this ranting!

Friday, June 18, 2010

Companionable As Solitude

Like a lighthouse keeper, I am trekking these steps towards the light chamber alone by myself at the moment. I have to flare up the lamp so I can illuminate the path which the others are journeying at present for them to see better in the darkest part of their voyage. I have to toughen up like a soldier patrolling the borders of Kabul in Afghanistan trusting only my reliable armaments and munitions. I have to be strong for the others to brave and endure the tremendous pain that they (and I) are suffering.

Life could be such a stinker sometimes, you just have to rely on HIM and yourself to weather all storms. I guess that is what viability is all about. I surrender everything to HIM, I always say that, although sometimes, I feel I don't have the smallest mustard seed I need to help me understand and fathom everything. Sometimes I really hate the knowledge I got from Med school, because of this my faith in HIM sometimes comes to a naught. Most, if not all, of the time, I envy my siblings who have so much faith and trust in HIM that they can sleep soundly at nights while I toss and turn worrying and thinking about everything that happened and might occur. I wish I am like them, I hate being a medicine man.

I experienced this before, when our mother got critically sick 14 years ago. I was the only one pessimistic about the whole dilemma. I hated myself when I gave up on her. I just do not want to go into the details, it's so repulsive. In retrospect, if they all gave up on her before, nobody would be holding my arms now as I write. That was a decision that I will regret for the rest of my freaking earth life! How I wish I didn't become a doctor.

Now that I and my family are going into the same ordeal we had 14 years ago, I have to condition myself to face the challenge that this life is giving me, alone, but with HIS guidance and blessings . I've learned so much from that horrible incident we had before with my mother. I pray that HE will give me peace of mind and grant me the tiniest faith I need and authentically surrender to HIM everything.

I continue to implore HIS mercy on me, us and our father.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Update On My Father's Condition


Repeat CT scan done last Tuesday, the 8th of June revealed a new "stroke." His doctor was telling us it was a "big" bleed on the occipital lobe of the brain. His blood sugar is now shooting up and liver function tests and kidney function tests are all derranged. The family had a meeting with his doctor and his team and they laid all their cards to us. They have a meager of a plan for him. Better than nothing I suppose. We are just hoping for a big miracle to happen. Please continue to help us ask for mercy from Him.

May the good Lord bless him and keep him and minimise his sufferings. God bless my tatay.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Hoping For The Best For Our Tatay

It's been a long time since I wrote something here, taking time off from writing can sometimes make one to get off track. I am really lost for words as I haven't pressed this keyboard, to write, for quite a while now. I find it hard to think up especially when there is really nothing to scribble about. I was hoping my next post has something good about it but I guess there isn't. I wasn't planning on blogging tonight but I just can't help but ask all of you out there to please join me and my family in offering intentions and prayers for our dearest father, Pete Hornedo.

Yesterday, Sunday, the 23rd of May, at around 5:30ish in the morning, my sister, Abel, heard a loud thump from one of the rooms adjacent to theirs, it sounded like a very huge object fell from a certain height. When they checked to see what was it, they saw my father sprawled on the floor. He was trying to get up but was to weak to do it. They immediately woke me up as I was sleeping downstairs with my mum and when I saw him, he was conscious but very agitated and confused, he was forcing his way up to sit. I told him to keep still as I was trying to put him on the "recovery position" so I can check his vitals. I noticed that he was not in his usual self, as he will always follow me and do whatever he is told. I examined his head, while trying to limit movement of his neck. I really had no idea what injuries he could have sustained from that fall. I had a notion that this was another stroke, having had so much histories and experiences of strokes in the family, I just couldn't leave a cerebro-vascular accident from my differentials or considering it as my initial impression. I also thought that it could be a hypoglycaemic episode as my father is a diabetic as well.

I told my siblings, we need to bring him to a hospital, so Heidi called 000 and asked for an ambulance which arrived a few minutes after the call. The paramedics checked his blood sugar which was OK so hypo or hyperglycaemia was ruled out. He was brought to Westmead Hospital and was eventually diagnosed to have a cerebral ischaemia on the left temporal lobe by CT scan. All throughout our stay in the ED, he was very agitated and confused. He was finally brought up to his room at around 5:00 in the afternoon and his sensorium was deteriorating.

Me and my family are appealing to you to please offer a short prayer for my father, we are all hoping he will recover from this ordeal. I know that it will be very hard for him as he had history of previous stroke before, but I still am keeping my hopes alive. May he survive this life threatening condition he is into at the moment. May GOD be with him all the way.

Again my sincerest gratitude for your prayers! God bless us all.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Friday

I definitely had a crazy week. Whew! I'm sure am glad it's over. I don't want to look back... really there is no use crying over a dead horse! I sure did make up a sweat for every cent I earned today! It's a good thing I already primed myself that this will be a helluvah day at the Mater and it was indeed another frantic day, so busy! The good thing is, it made my shift fast, t'was over before I knew it, not a single dull moment for me today.

Well what more can I say? I really should not be complaining about the busyness of work. I mean, we come to our workplace to do our job and toil while being paid. Our company and our bosses expect that from us so we ought to do our crafts and stop making friends! We should just do what is expected from us and just cut the crap and stop the bull!

I am so tired and wasted. I just want to drop dead and wake up after a week. But alas! I can't sleep, I think I had caffeine overdose, I had too much java that my precious hands are shaking and my brain won't bloody stop functioning. Might as well put this in good use and write. Another sleepless night, I suppose. Too bad our chat room is empty. I think I am in for a fluky night! Dang! What good can I do tonight??? Maybe I should start counting sheep as early as now. It will take a while to reach seven hundred fourty eight thousand nine hundred and thirty two.

I just got to keep on saying... "Heaven on the horizon!" "Good stuff coming!" Thank you it's Friday!

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Time To Give Up

I am hoping you might know Richard Bach, he, being an American like you. In case you don't, he authored the 70's bestseller, Jonathan Livingston Seagull and Illusions: The Adventures of the Reluctant Messiah. I am sure you already read both, if not one of these books. Again if for some reason or another, you weren't able to read any of them because you were busy with extra-curricular activities when you were in highschool, let me tell you that from one of those books, the famous quote... “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.” was lifted.

I really do not know if I need to explain to you these words or not. Dude, they are so freaking simple and easy to understand that you can swallow them verbatim, take them as they are. No hidden meanings, no underlying implications and message. This quote is a no brainer and you do not need to burn even a few neurons to fathom the essence of it. Obviously the other person wanted to restore normalcy rationality and sanity in life, can't you get it? Somebody from your past bid you farewell and never came back and I reckon you have to accept and live with that fact. The person NEVER became yours, ever. Sure, you had your share of good times together but can you not dig it, those are passe already, those are things of the past and mind you we all should not live under the shadows of our past, be it good or not.

A true gentleman humbly accepts defeat. A true gentleman knows when to back off and let others have a normal, peaceful and quiet life. A true gentleman is not deceitful and treacherous, doesn't offer his shoulder to cry only to grab the opportunity to later on satisfy his lust for worldly things! That's not a mark of a true gentleman and I seriously believe you are way too far from being one, even if you die trying to be one. Oh, by the way, I almost forgot....

Your time is up, next victim please....

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Secrets... Shoosh!

Alright, maybe they're not...

I am a frustrated surgeon, turned paediatrician, turned full time phlebotomist!

I used to sing Beatles' songs before I fell in love with jazz (not "just" music) and R&B :)

I've been driving since I was 16 but it took me 42 years to finally buy my own "used" car!

I am a tech savvy but ever since I started earning on my own, became stingy and mingy.

I really despised the late Cardinal Sin because he mixed church and politics! (i hate the guy!)

I was a Thomasian Class 1991 but graduated a Fatimanian (is there such a word???)!

I once weighed close to 90 kgs before I realised enough is enough, now I am down to 74 ;).

I always take 3 pills for breakfast but sometimes I do abstain!

I wanted to insure my hands for a million bucks but I think they are worth more than that! ;)

I once tried break dancing and ended up with busted lips!

I just do not have a real talent! I think I am a master of none and it's true! :(

I think I am worst at public speaking and I always do not have something remarkable to talk about.

I can write, apparently, and at least I think I am a decent writer.

I need someone who believes in me and can give directions and focus in life (I'm happy, I finally met her) :)

I have a hard time eating fish but sometimes it is just selective. (Iove bangus!)

I was once a member of the "Youth for Democracy Movement" who campaigned for Marcos and Tolentino.

I was a regular Red Cross blood donor and signed up as an organ donor as well.

I am really glad I still have this blog where I can write what I can't say!

Enough secrets for now!!!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Whatever Will Be Will Be

When I was just a little boy, I asked my mother what will I be... Here's what she said to me... Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be, the future's not ours to see. Writing those words made me hum to the tune of the old country song, Que Sera Sera. These lines made me think about how mysterious and unpredictable life can be, makes me ponder about life's unsure issues. One question just popped in my mind... Do you reckon failures and successes are born out of sheer luck? They sometimes say "if you don't make things happen, things will happen to you." Sounds right and fair, isn't it?

I know that fate SOMETIMES decide, I remember I wrote something to that effect. Seriously, serendipity should not determine the outcome of our own lives. I believe that it is our choice that matters in the end and it is not chance that should influence our tomorrow. So much were written and said about the role of luck or fortune in people's lives. Shakespeare believed that our future depends on how we are going to shape it and not just by chance alone. He once said and I quote, "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves," An old Filipino saying, "Nasa D'yos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa," holds true then and up to now.

But sometimes, we just can't help but surrender to the Divine providence. I know, not everybody will swallow that with ease. For many, it will be easier to bite, chew and swallow raw bitter melons than accept the fact that Someone up there had planned our lives way ahead of time. There will come a time in your life that you'll just say... "His will be done" and surrender everything to Him. For the time being, I just want to say, whatever will be, will be. I am just hoping for the best. I know it's not entirely acceptable but I will settle with that for now.

Que sera sera, what will be, will be.

Enough ranting, goodnight!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Thanks To This Blogsite, I Still Can Post What I Want


I love this blogsite... Patronise my own!

Thursday, January 07, 2010

Integrity

So much for the Yuletide break, it's now business as usual. People are now back to work, businesses open, children return to schools. In the Philippines, election fever is in the air. A few more months and the reign of the worst administration in Philippine history will be over. Filipinos have endured so much... Time to change the leadership and replace the evil one at helm.

Many candidates are vying for the highest seat of the land. Some are qualified, some never really come close to even a mere resemblance of being a barangay chairman, still there are some who seem to come from looney bins straight to the elections commission filing their candidacies. What a pity... tsk tsk tsk.. When will our country get what it deserves? Frankly if I were in the Philippines, I will be thinking more than 10x whether I will cast my vote or not. In my opinion, among all the aspirants for presidency, nobody has the integrity to say, "I am the one."

Honesty, indeed, is such a lonely word... everyone is so untrue! I bet you can still recall those famous lines from Billy Joel's old song. That phrase is so accurate, I can vouch for that! I reckon almost all of mankind have something hidden in themselves, something that can tarnish their sense of moral uprightness, honesty and integrity. I am now beginning to wonder... is there really a person of integrity living in this world today? It seems that almost everybody is doing or had done something under somebody's noses.

My hat's off to the chosen few who in one way or another uphold their sense of loyalty, honesty and integrity. I know that only a handful roam the earth nowadays. I seriously wish that people will still change and come to realise that it is worth living honestly.

May the good Lord forgive the dishonest ones.

Friday, January 01, 2010

Foresight 2010

I am pretty sure many will be blogging or had blogged already about how 2009 came to be. Most, if not all, will be thinking back in retrospect and heaps will be fascinated on how the previous year went by in a jiffy. Accolades will be given, kudos, written and tributes will be expressed. Still, some will be writing down their new year's resolution list (which I suitably call a list of "would be broken promises") and will be trying hard to do it. I commit myself to write about what I reckon this new year will be for me. I know it doesn't concern you at all but what the heck, I might as well rant.

Frankly I have so much expectations for '10. I seriously believe this is going to be my year and I am hoping that this "Tiger" will be good for me for 365 days! 10 is a good number to start, though a little late, it's way much better than never. I see myself starting a whole new chapter of my life this year, scary and unpredictable as it may seem, I am up and ready for the challenges that lie ahead. I am expecting to start a little family of my own, apart and away from the family who brought me up to this world. All I want to do is pack my bags, go to that unchartered place and forever live a life of love, peace, harmony and contentment.

I am also looking forward that this year will be good and kind to my sister, Abel. I am praying that she will soon triumph and emerge victorious in her battle against this dreadful cancer that took the happiness in her and our family. I am optimistic that with God's will, she will have a complete and total remission and will be free of this malignancy for good.

I am longing for a better and more comfortable life for my Nanay and Tatay, who of all people in this earth, deserve all the abundance, luxury, enjoyment, happiness and gratification that life can give. I am sure they will continue to live long, stay healthy and continue to be our source of strength and joy. I anticipate a superb year for all my siblings and their families. I look forward to see my nephews and niece grow another year wiser and smarter. I am hoping that all of them will be showered with good health and more wealth.

Lastly it is still my desire to see a better Philippines. I know it is close to impossible but I still wish the best for my homeland. May the least of the evils prevail in the elections. I also hope the whole world will recover from the difficult economic downfall it is experiencing at the moment.

Happy new year to you.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Resolution Or Irresolution?

2009 is coming to an end. New year is just around the bush, hiding, ready to pop out any minute from now. Together with 2010 come heaps of resolutions, intentions, commitments and promises. People almost always try to fashion out ways to do or not to do things for a change, to make life easier and better. But do you honestly believe these new year's resolutions are being done at all?

My answer to that query is a resounding NO! I for one is guilty of this, not changing for the better. After a fit of holiday giddiness, I am pretty sure that all of these resolutions and plans will just end up in the rubbish bin. Funny how people still take time to make a list of things they want to change for the year ahead... such a waste of time, effort and resources. Why not for a change, forget these new year's resolution thing and move along with our own lives, see how it goes. Let us spare ourselves with all of these disappointments and frustrations! Expect less... that's the way it should be.

By the way the opposite of resolution according to the thesaurus is "weakness." A fitting word for the human race. Aren't we all lame???

Have a good new year y'all.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Loneliness Bug

Whew! Here I go again... Whinging if you might say, but hey, today really is a bloody frantic day at work. Everybody and everything needs to be done before the Christmas break. Believe it or not, I started at half past 12 and it's nearly 8ish before I got the chance to sit and rest. Whoa! What a day this really is. Earlier, before I can even log-on and put my stuff away, I was immediately plagued by handovers and endorsements, the main phone, which is a familiar accessory on my waist didn't stop ringing. It really was ridiculous, really crazy if I may add.

Now, I feel so tired and lonely... Looks like I literally consumed all my adrenaline. There's no more energy left in me anymore, hence another one of my rants! I cant help but look back on my past life back home, when I used to be on top of everything. Frustrating! This freaking loneliness bug is on my tail and is catching up quite fast. I hate this feeling! Bugger!

How I wish this haunting feeling will go away. I don't want to be sad come Christmas day. I don't want to wear a frowning mask at home and at work. Please help me drive this crazy feeling away.

I am so lost!