Asian Pride

I know that much has been said and written about the Manny Pacquiao, Miguel Cotto bout. I know this post will be so redundant because all the congratulatory remarks and accolades have been expressed and done by everybody. Pardon me, I know that this post is a superfluity already but I really can't help but be vocal to impart how proud I am to belong to the Pacman's race. Not only does he represent the entire Filipino race but the whole Asian race as well.

We truly are world class! Thanks to you Manny! You taught them a lesson or two on how to give respect to the brown race.

Mabuhay ka MANNY PACQUIAO! Kudos to you! Well done, mate!

What Do You Do At Sunset?

As the sun sets in the west, how many of us reflect on the day which is about to be covered by the dusking skies? Most if not all of us will just chalk it up as another day gone by, another finished page about to be turned over. Many come home to be with their families and to have a well deserved rest. Some continue to enjoy life through the night not mindful of the next day's challenges and debacles. A minority will be just starting their day, perennially working the grave yard shifts.

What really is behind the sunset? Aside from the fading of the daylight in the skies, I believe that there is more to sunset other than the disappearance of the sun. I reckon sunset is a very lovely way used by God to remind us all of the limited period of time we have on this earth. He wants us to remember the state of us all being subjected to death and that we are all mortals after all. For me, sunset connotes a period of decline in our life, physically, emotionally and mentally as well. Sunset reminds me of the inevitable end. Sunset is a time to be thankful to Him for the many blessings received during the day. A time to be conscious of all the things said and done. A time of reflection, serious thinking and consideration. A time to patch up all differences, disagreements and disputes. A time to look back, remember, cherish good experiences, forget and learn from bad ones. A time to pray and give praises to Him.

What do you really do during sunsets? The next time you see one, please be thankful to God for His goodness to you and to all of mankind. Be reminded of the borrowed time we have and that we have to use it wisely and meaningfully. Be mindful of all the people around us especially the ones we love and cherish. Be reminded to say I LOVE YOU.

Back To The Hospital

Abel was confined at Westmead Hospital again. She was scheduled to undergo another course of chemotherapy prior to her bone marrow transplant on the 14th. This will be the last of the treatment she will be receiving for her AML. So far her full blood picture is within normal limits and she's still in remission. We are all praying for her full recovery.

Again, I am appealing to all of you out there reading this post to please include her in your prayers. In behalf of her and our whole family, our sincerest gratitude. May God have mercy on us all.

Paradoxical

While punishing myself on the treadmill earlier, I thought of the very old paradox about the immovable object and the unstoppable force. It gave me an idea of a topic to expound on. Something to write about and make my blogsite move. A statement that indeed draws a senseless conclusion, no matter how sound or how sane your reasoning is. A phrase so contradicting that it will make your balls ache trying to decipher or interpret it.

There was once a gun store owner selling armour piercing bullets and bullet proof vests. When asked how good the bullets are, the owner said that the bullets can pierce through anything and when asked how good the vests are he replied that the vests can defend any gunshot attacks. Then when asked what will happen if his armour piercing bullets were to be used against his vests, the owner could not give a good answer. Made him think and stopped claiming that his bullets can pierce everything and his vests can protect anyone from any gunshot attacks.

Sometimes this paradox happens in reality, in our very own lives. What really will happen when an unstoppable force finally meets an immovable object? Disaster, adversity, failure and tragedy I suppose. Again it all boils down to one catastrophic and destructive word which rules and dominates the whole of mankind, PRIDE. Not the group of lions forming a social unit, the pride that I am talking about is related to the consciousness of one's own excellence and dignity. Unless each and everyone of us learn how to swallow our pride and be open to opinions and suggestions of others, nothing good will ever happen in this earth. Since the time of Adam and Eve and up to now, we all learned and witnessed one way or another how a simple clinging to one's pride can do horrific consequences.

To end this senseless post, may I quote an old adage, PRIDE COMES BEFORE A FALL.

I rest my case... Back to the treadmill and burn more calories!

Email For IV Diamond Batch '83

Hello there my dear friends!

It's nice to hear from all of you again, yun nga lang not in a very good time because of the circumstances that happened recently to the Philippines. i join hands with all of in prayers... I know that praying is the most important thing that we could offer them, for now.

As our country suffer from a horrendous tragedy, our family here in Sydney is still weathering a great storm... my sister, Abel is still battling a very dreadful malignancy, she's not yet out of the woods. She is to undergo another course of chemo and Stem-cell transplant come November. I am also appealing to all of you to continue to offer prayers for her. I know there is strength in numbers, kapag marami tayong magdadasal, mas malakas at maugong ang dating nito sa KANYA. My sincerest gratitude in advance.

I hope GOD will bless the Philippines and each and everyone of us.

Regards to all!

Boy

Circumstances And My Tomorrow

It's been a while, I know. I don't want to fabricate alibis to cover my unproductiveness. I can't think of an acceptable excuse to cloak my worthlessness. Fact of the matter is that I became so lazy thinking of something to write about to update this weblog of mine. It seems that my dull, routine and monotonous existence reached its plateau already. No more exciting things to write. No more new happenings and events to tell. No more incidents and experiences to share. Nothing... Nada... Nought... Nil... Zero... Zilch!

I can't complain much, I mean, I know that I should be the one controlling my destiny, my future, my life, but now I think circumstances do. I admit I should dictate how circumstances will work towards my destiny but at the moment its the other way around. I anticipated that sooner or later this will happen to me and to us and now it looks like it is becoming a reality. Makes me think I am inept, useless and futile. I know deep in my heart I am not. I wish I could do something but my hands seem to be tied, my legs bound, my lips silenced and my brain forced to a grinding halt.

I am just hoping for the best, fingers crossed. I hope I can get out of this dilemma soon. At the moment, only time can tell about the outcome. Nobody can envision what really is there for me and for us tomorrow. Faith in Him and reassuring words from her are the only armaments I have. I know in the end, things will still work out well for me and for us. Good will triumph over evil and everyone will live happily ever after.

I rest my case...

Why Is It Always Like This?

The ones that you love the most are usually the ones that hurt you the most.

Picnic Day

I took and finished the Australian Citizenship exam today. After a few days of half-hazard review, finally it's over. Now I can apply for Aussie citizenship and hopefully get a blue passport so I can go to visit Nen in LA. Blue is better than green to some freaking people. Now they can't deny me entry if I have blue!

It's a good thing I was granted my picnic day, today. At least I can relax after a whole week of work. I just want to enjoy this day. No cleaning of our car, no house chores, no washing of dishes, no cooking, no laundry... i'll just have fun.

Right now I am here at Abel's. I wasn't able to see her since Friday so I thought I'd pay her a visit. I am glad she is doing OK. Thank God! Oh well, enough said for the day...

Ciao!

ZZZZZZzzzzzz, I Hope

It is nearly half past one and I am having another one of those sleepless nights. I can't doze off even if my whole body wants to rest, this is so annoying and to think I have to report early for work later as I will be pitching in for my colleague, Anjila.

I just had a chat with my sister, Heidi. She went online while inside a coffee shop near their place in Salcedo Village. She got bored waiting for Rommie so she decided to go out. It's good to see and catch up with her again.

Earlier I was talking to Nen. She and the kids will be driving to Vegas later today. I hope they will have a safe trip. I will miss her a lot because they will be staying there for 3 days and 2 nights. Our chat room will be empty, dang!

As I write, Nanay is holding on to my arm, as usual. She is peacefully sleeping, snoring at times. Sometimes I envy her, she doesn't have any problem whatsoever. I wish I could sleep soundly like what she is doing at the moment. After writing this post, I probably will just stare at her the whole night hoping that her sleep will become contagious and get into me.

I am still waiting for you, Sleep Fairy! Where the heck are you by the way?

Anyone Still Intersted?

It is already quarter past 12 midnight here, I still can't sleep, probably because the level of caffeine in my system is still at its peak. I was trying to bore myself to imbibe sleep so I thought of reading GMA's last State of the Nation Address. I haven't reached one fourth of the "mile long" speech prepared by God knows who and I got so annoyed I stopped reading it. I thought whingeing about it would be a better alternative.

From what I've read, she is commending herself for steering the country to calm waters, weathering the storm of the global economic crisis. Lauding oneself is not a good thing to do. It's plain and simple bu11$h!t! I reckon it's the Filipinos' resiliency that should be credited not her and her leadership. Please stop using Cory's name, which by the way she did at the beginning of the SONA, hoping to draw sympathy from the supporters of the original People Power's choice. The speech was boycotted by lawmakers, senators and congressmen alike, obviously fed up with lies and deceit. Most of all, majority of Filipinos probably did not care at all anymore.

The whole nation is already numb madame. Please get it over and done with and just leave. We already had enough. I guess you and all your henchmen are already full up to the brim. Please spare some for the poor Filipino nation. May God bless the Philippines.

Barrington Tops

Last week, my wifey, Nen visited me and my family here in Sydney. She took time off from work and her busy schedule with the kids just to be with me. We spent quality time together though it was so limited. We went to Barrington Tops and stayed at the Riverwood Downs Mountain Resort. It was a perfect getaway, very remote, very serene and far away from all the hassle and bustle of daily living.

So much memories we had that it was so painful when she left for home. Looking at the brighter side of it, at least we still have something to look forward to... getting together again. Missing each other so much is good in a way because you know that you are still so much in love with each other.

To my dearest Nen, if by any chance you get to read this post, thanks heaps for all the loving and caring you are giving and showing me. I know you deserve more than this, I'll make it up to you when the time comes. I will be waiting for your next trip to Sydney.

Termite

I was shot in the chest twice, kicked on the face and left shivering in the cold dark night for dead. The scene was so horrible, I was gasping for air as if it was my last. Earlier, my wife and I were hearing Sunday mass. I don't know how but it seems that she was singing amongst the choir and at the same time besides me sitting on one of the front pews. She looked at her back and saw this person staring at us with dagger looks! She whispered to me that it was somebody in her past. I slowly turned my head towards the direction of the person to have a look. It seems that the person was trying to tell me to watch out.

The scene was changed, suddenly we are inside our bedroom getting ready to sleep. She was wearing my long-sleeved shirt and I was wearing my pajamas and white t-shirt. I remember how good looking she was in my shirt. The mood was so romantic and we were hugging and kissing when suddenly our door bell rang. I got up, went outside the room and got to the door. When I opened it, the person I saw in the church was standing on our porch with a gun aimed directly at me. I greeted "good evening, what can I do for you." Without uttering a word, the person fired the gun hitting me on the chest and as I was slumped on the floor bleeding, I felt a kick on my face. I was shivering and gasping for breath. The night was so cold or maybe it is hypovolaemia setting in on me.

I suddenly woke up, I was freezing! I didn't have any blanket on, I remember I gave mine to my mother who was sleeping besides me. I do not know how Sigmund Freud will interpret this but it was one helluvah nightmare. Scary it may seem but I am ready for anything that can happen. If this is the price I have to pay, bring it on!

Alone

For the past 2 weeks Nanay, Tatay and the rest of my siblings have been sleeping over at Abel's house and most of the time I stay in Chelsea by myself, alone in the coldness of winter. Once again I am lying on my bed staring at my notebook's monitor and my ears fixated at the ticking of our clock. As my mind wonder I realise how lonely, bland and empty life could be being alone.

Tonight is one of those "home alone" nights and my ever cumbersome IBS is at it again. Attacking me like hell. I am wincing in pain and I have nobody here to even help me boil water for the warm water bottle. I have to do it myself otherwise I could suffer an infarction of the heart if this pain persists. Bugger! I'll could expire here anytime without being noticed.

It seems like yesterday when I was basking in the love and attention of my family and friends. I was once a center of attraction. I had a fantastic life with a good profession. Life back then was very fulfilling, happy and fun. Never had I experienced being alone before.

Now that the wheel of fortune had turned and my life seems to be in its lowliest part, I know I have to tackle life unaided, unaccompanied and alone by myself. Frustrating as it may be, I already resign the fact that I will be like this until final judgment arrives. As the clock continues to tick my end is coming nearer and nearer. I pray that He would let me fade slowly and alone through the winter night.

How Is It Like To Be?

What is it like being a father? How does it feel being the head of the family, taking care of and providing for your kids and wife? How does it feel taking your children to the pool for a swim or playing catch with them? What is it like driving them to school, helping them with their homeworks and school projects? How does it feel cooking for them and enjoying sharing meals with them? Questions I am sure millions of fathers all around the world could answer.

I still believe that someday, somehow I could answer those questions as well. Despite my advanced age and the predicament I am in to right now, I know that God still has a plan for me. I still am hoping I will have a child of my own. I just do not know if I could be a good father. It's scary starting late... I might not live to see him or her become a adult to have a family of his or her own. I wish I could...

To all fathers, Happy Father's Day! My hat's off to all of you fathers out there. A pat on the back for a job well done!

Love Equals Hurt

We all fell in love at some point in our lives and for sure our feelings were hurt one way or the other sometimes by the ones we love or sometimes by the act of loving itself. Does love really equates to suffering? Do we really need to get hurt when we are in love? Is the pain and suffering really inevitable?

Love has so many definitions and meanings but based on all I've read and as far as my stock knowledge is concerned, there is no single article or book that defines love as something unpleasant, unlikable or distasteful. From all of my readings, love is described in a pleasant and good way.

I am thinking of explanations, reasons why we hurt the ones we love... Could it be that sometimes we are so frustrated with ourselves that we think we do not deserve anything good and by hurting the ones we love, we are hurting ourselves in effect? Could it be that we think of our love ones as good things and unconsciously try to destroy the good things in our lives so as to punish ourselves?

Or could it be that sometimes we tend to hate the ones we love because they know our weaknesses and we can't hide it from them? Could it be that the person we project to other people is being set aside and the things we hide surface?

Or could it be that the ones we love have the guts to be honest and tell us the truth? And we know that sometimes truth hurts and we tend to react intensely. Or could it be that sometimes we expect too much from them that when they fail to meet our expectations, we feel disappointed and thus we want them to regret.

Or could it be that sometimes the ones we love have attitudes, behaviors and characteristics that annoy us and we know we could never change them, sometimes we think of them as blessings but I am sure there are times we think of them as nuisances.

Or could it be that sometimes we are being misunderstood by them? Could it be that we want them to see things the way we see them because we think it is the right one? And if they don't we feel bad about it. Or could it be the other way around... we misunderstand them because we are not willing to comprehend, appreciate and recognise them at all.

Or could it be that we hurt them so as to comfort them in a later time? We feel that we have every right to hurt them because we love them and we will make up for it later.
Or could it be that we trust them so much that we feel they will not stop loving us no matter what we do? Could it be that we feel it is alright to take our frustrations on them and feel secure because we think there will be no consequences when we do that?

Honestly i really do not know the reason or reasons why we do hurt the ones we love. These are just my two cents worth. It could be right, it could be wrong. I could only think of things to justify it. What do you reckon?

Saving Graces

Based on the number of misses I had and the heaps of butterfly needles I used, I'd say that I had a rough and bad day, yesterday. Well, it all started the night before yesterday, I had another bout of high blood pressure and I felt weak and had a splitting headache the whole night until the next morning when I woke up. Poor patients, they had to suffer for my inefficiency. Good thing all my patients yesterday were kind and understanding otherwise I really will be in deep shit.

What saved the day for me was that I met and talked to 3 good Australians. Mrs. D, a 74 year old lady from Mosman mistook me for a South American. We had an extensive talk about how she analyses faces because she used to paint portraits. Unfortunately she was wrong when she scrutinized mine. I told her that I am always mistaken for being a South American and she told me that it is because of my nose, eyes and cheeks. I had fun chatting with her.

Two rooms from Mrs. D's is Mrs. DeV's. When I entered her room she was crying because she was in pain and was very frustrated with her present state. I immediately handed her a facial tissue paper and held her hand. I told her that everything will be alright and what she was experiencing was only temporary. We talked about a lot of things including my mother. She told me that I have sure a place in heaven because according to her I am a good man. Her words will never be forgotten.

Up on the Cardiology Ward, I did blood cultures for Mr. F. He was a very jolly 67 year old man. He loves motorbikes and big cars. He told me to enjoy life like him. He gave me 2 funny quotes and I want to share them with you. "Treat every stressful situation like a dog, if you can eat it or hump it, piss on it and walk away." "Edge is not the limit it is only the starting point." He was so hilarious!

People like these make the world go round. I wish them well and I hope to see them in a better situation. I hope their tribes increase. You made my day!

The War Still Remains

Tomorrow at 9am, Abel will be having her repeat BMA biopsy at Westmead. We are hoping and praying that the results will be alright. Aside from some episodes of insomnia, she is doing just great. Her latest full blood count showed a very promising result and her doctor was very happy about it. Presently she is asymptomatic and is in good state of health and I hope it will remain that way until she finishes 2 more consolidation chemotherapy cycles.

The second cycle of chemotherapy will be coming soon and will be dependent on the bone marrow biopsy result. Fingers crossed, the dosage will not be as high as the induction course. We will be eagerly waiting for the results of the biopsy. We are also looking forward to the day that our sister will be pronounced "cancer-free." We are all optimistic that she will eventually win this war against this horrific disease.

One battle won but the war still continues... We are all hanging on! Please continue to offer prayers for her and for all cancer patients around the globe. Ta!

A New Smile

I'm allowed to wake up a bit late on Mondays because my work doesn't start till 12 noon. Today, I woke up early because I have to go to Westmead Hospital to have my blood extracted for tissue typing. The nurse in charge of the stem cell transplant comes only on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays and Monday is my only chance. Abigail, Eric and Heidi already had their samples of blood taken weeks ago. I was the only one left. All four of us, siblings of Abel, are the prime candidates for donating our bone marrow aspirates for Abel's future stem cell transplant. Unfortunately, Eric's and Abigail's were not a match for Abel. I hope Heidi's or mine's matches.

When I arrived in Abel's room, I saw her face lighten up for the first time since ages ago. It was because her doctors already made their morning rounds and she was allowed to be discharged. She was so excited she packed her things straight away. What a lovely sight! I will not forget that smile on her face. She was so glad. Her WBC started to differentiate already. Neutrophils were already present in her smear and that was good enough for her doctors. If all will turn out well, she will be having another bone marrow biopsy in 2 weeks time and her second round of chemotherapy soon after.

It's good to see her smile again! The best thing that I saw today! I hope all of you out there reading this post will not cease to PRAY for her. Please include her in your daily prayers just like what we are doing. We are still hoping and expecting for the best, in Jesus' name!

My appreciation...

Weaknesses And Strengths

I am a Type A personality. I used to be a doctor once and my strength is making decisions. I admit I am a dominant and decisive person. I don't find any difficulty in decision making, be it good or be it bad. Whenever I decide, I always stand by it. Sometimes other people would say that I am often wrong but never doubtful. I guess that's pretty much who I am and that is my strongest trait.

I also know I have my own weaknesses as well. I tend to please other people and I always do what they want me to do. Bloody hell, come to think of it, I even make tea for my boss! I know I should stop worrying about pleasing other people and I should start doing what I think is best for me and be honest about it. This is my life and I have to make the most out of it!

It was once said that "worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength." I admit I worry a lot and I think that is robbing me of my confidence and strength! Now I realise that things become overwhelming whenever I am living in anxiety. Maybe its about time for me to slow down, relax and go with the flow of life.

I've done a lot of thinking, thanks to my non-satiable brain. I really have to do something about this inner conflict of mine which is slowly but surely eating up my securities. I should hone more on my strengths and do something about my weaknesses and conquer all my fears.

A new day will soon come!

Of Mojos, Confidence and Precariousness

This post is so predictable, you probably saw it coming. Obviously another whinge, another whine, another venting of frustration and despair. This dilemma started from the day I migrated to this foreign continent. It seems that I used up all of my allure, my charm, my charisma, my pizzazz. Nothing's left in my arsenal now. I feel like a low-down son of a gun, so insecure, so vague, vulnerable at times.

I know I am one of the dominant class, I maybe timid and quiet most of the time but I know I am the go getting kind of a person. I used to be "the boss," the one in charge. I used to be on top of the totem pole most of the time, a higher form of animal so to say. But now things are different. I feel I am a second class citizen here. I was sucked up into life's daily ebb and flow here, so predictable, so routine. "I lost my mojo" here. And now that I feel so lowly of myself I sometimes do not know who I am anymore, what to act, what to say.

I know I have to get over this, myself. I have to solve this problem alone and fast. So many things going into my mind and I have to face and resolve each and every one of these worries. It just doesn't show sometimes but the truth of the matter is, I am carrying a heavy load as of the moment. The last thing I need now probably is an insult to compound this hurt.

I thought I got over this a long time ago, I guess there are still a few hangovers looming around. In time I am sure things will be back in order. When? That's for me to tell.